You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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