my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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