So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
