I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
