I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
