I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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