Cold hands, warm shart.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
