why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
