I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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