i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
