I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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