someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
