Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
