I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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