Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
