Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
only you would photoshop your dick
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
