I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
