He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
