I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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