i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
