Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
