So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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