Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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