I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
