made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
