just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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