god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
