I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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