My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
