Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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