I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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