is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
