He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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