Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i've created a new STD.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
