So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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