I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
