What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
