Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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