you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
