when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i already hear my dad disowning me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
