she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
