I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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