So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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