I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
