He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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