Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
