Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
