I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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