It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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