then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
being pregnant is like rehab
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
