im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
