She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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