I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
do herpes really smell.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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