Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
